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ROMANTIC BODY LANGUAGE

Teddy bears and puppies are romantic. Low lighting and background music are romantic. Flowers and chocolates are romantic.

Image by Tú Anh from Pixabay

Romance is a very personal thing. If you want to be romantic, therefore, you need to do personal things, and you need to be personal. For example, buying a greeting card for someone could be romantic. Signing the greeting card definitely is.

What is real romance, then?

 Intro to Romance

Romance is a feeling, an excitement and mystery associated with love. It can mean different things for men and women. For men, it is an interest in what they are thinking, giving them your undivided attention, and showing appreciation for something they did or said. For women, it is being cuddled, told they are loved, sincere compliments and feeling emotionally safe.

Romance is not a one-time thing. It is not a once-off show of acknowledgment, appreciation or affection. The beginning of romance might feel this way, though, until you are sure that it is reciprocated. And you need to be sure of reciprocation, because of our innate fear or rejection.

What then is true romantic behavior?

 True Romantic Behavior

Romance, when it is true, is a beautiful thing. When someone is interested in you, in partnering with you, everything in the world seems to fall into place.  People can show interest in two was, either from a distance, or up close and personal.

From A Distance:

This is usually the safest way to signal interest. You can then watch for the other person’s response.

• Eyes: Much distance signaling happens with the eyes. You look at a person for slightly longer than usual, then you look away. You look back again, still for a long time.
• Preening: This is basically where you make yourself more attractive, tossing your head, brushing your hair with your hand, polishing your spectacles, or brushing your clothes.
• Enacting: Sexually stimulating acts, like caressing yourself, stroking your arms, leg or face, says to the other person that you would like to stroke them that way. You can also enact displays with objects, like wine glasses or cigarettes.
• Displaying: You may expose attractive parts of your body. With women, this includes the legs, bottom, breasts and neck. For men, this could be a muscular torso, legs, arms or even the crotch.
• Leaning: When you lean towards a person, essentially you are saying that you would like to be closer to them.
• Pointing: You may subtly point to the person you are interested in with a knee, your head, or your foot.

Other forms of distant display are sensual or dramatic dancing, in men, holding your legs far apart to display your crotch, a fake interest in others to invoke envy, and gentle nodding.

Up Close:

The closer you are to a person, the more intimate the progression of body language.

• Close In and Personal: You move in from the social space into another person’s personal body space. You can also stand square in them, blocking anybody else from joining the conversation.
• Copying: You can imitate the other person, suggesting that you are not different from them. This can be something as simple as mimicking body position, to gestures and language.
• Lover’s Gaze: When you are close to the person you are interested in, you hold each other’s gaze for longer periods before looking away.
• Touching: This is a signal of closer intimacy. Accidental brushing progresses to touching safe parts, such as the back or the arms.

Faking romance is usually done by people who are interested in one thing, getting you into bed. This really is more seduction than romance, though. But faking romantic behavior is a habit for many people.

 Fake Romantic Behavior

Image by Pana Kutlumpasis from Pixabay

There are people who are addicted to seduction, too. The characteristics of these people include:

• An addiction more to the rush of falling in love, than even sex
• An obsession with being desired
• A lack of interest in real relationships
• The inability to sustain relationships

They engage in predatory flirting, seeing every interaction as an opportunity for flirtation. They may make initial connections, but they don’t follow up, and never take the lead. They carry on what seems to be the affair of the century, and then, when the high wears off, they make a quick and abrupt exit.

In this case, all romantic behavior is fake.

 Short Examples

When someone has caught your interest and attention across the room, at a party, or in a restaurant, you look at them first. They may look away, and so you do to. And then you look at them again, holding their gaze longer. The faintest glimmer of interest flashes into their eyes, and you know they are hooked. At least you hope so. And so begins the dance of the flamingos.

When you meet someone at a bar, you are much closer to them. The rules of the game are different. It starts with eye contact, yes, but it quickly progresses. You might brush up against them, accidentally of course, as you reach across the counter for your drink. Then the touching is more deliberate. As you laugh at their joke, you touch their hand lightly. You touch their back as you further engage in conversation, becoming more and more familiar with them.

These physical cues are not as important as what comes out of your mouth, though. While these give you permission to pursue, they are in no way an indicator of success, either way. Be careful not to confuse what they do with what they say.

 Conclusion

While you can define romance, as seen from the description of true romantic behavior, true love is impossible to describe. This is because this type of love isn’t bound by the laws that govern human behavior.

True love takes time to bloom, so you shouldn’t confuse romance with love. True romantic behavior can lead to true love, no doubt. But you must be prepared for the long haul, because the distance between the two is usually a marathon, and not a sprint or a quick dash.

References

Linda Hatch Ph.D., Fake Romance: Understanding a Seduction Addict’s Playbook

Elizabeth Arthur, 12 Real signs Of True Love in a Relationship

Samuel Stoddard, How to Be Romantic

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