RELAXED BODY LANGUAGE
Elangovan, October 22, 2018“Come on, relax!” This has probably been said to you more than a few times. You have probably said this to others, too, more than once. Giving someone this simple instruction doesn’t make it so,
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though.
Relaxation is complicated, and often difficult to achieve, especially in light of the many forces in the world around us working for the exact opposite.
Just what is relaxation, then, and why does it seem to be so elusive?
Intro to Relaxation
A relaxed body is one that is lacking in tension, where the muscles are loose and relaxed. A characteristic of this is fluid movement, with a general feeling or appearance of happiness and unconcern.
When a person is relaxed, they appear to belong to the situation. They seem to own the environment, and with the added impetus provided by situational novelty, they seem to be really comfortable in it.
The appearance of relaxed behavior can be true or fake. Let us now discuss what true relaxed behavior is!
True Relaxed Behavior
True relaxation is visible in the body, the limbs and the head. It might be a combination of all three, or just one.
The Body:
- Torso: Your torso sags slightly to one side. It is not held up by irregular tension, though. Your shoulders may be balanced perfectly above the pelvis, and you may curl up in a restful pose, not with fear. The shoulders hand loosely down.
- Breathing: Your voice is lower than usual, because your breathing is slower and steady.
- Color: Your skin is not reddened, a sign of anger or embarrassment. It is also not pale, a sign of fear. Your skin color is normal, with no unusual patches on say the neck, or the cheeks.
The Limbs:
Your limbs do not twitch, they seldom cross each other. They hang loosely, and where crossing occurs, it is just in a position of comfort.
- Arms: When you are tense, your arms are rigid and held up close to your body. Movement of the arms might be staccato like. When they are relaxed, the move smoothly, and hang loosely. Even where your arms cross, they hang loosely. And while crossing arms might indicate tension, it just might be comfortable for you to fold yours.
- Hands: Touching or holding yourself with your hands is a sign of anxiety or tension. Relaxed hands hang loosely, or are used perhaps to enhance what you are saying. They shape ideas in the air, with gestures generally open and gentle.
- Legs: Relaxed legs are placed gently on the floor, or casually flung out. You may tap your toes in time to music. You may also cross them, but they are not wound around each other. The legs can be a particular sign of tension, especially when you have managed to control your upper body and your arms. As a result, when you are sitting at a table, you may appear relaxed, but your legs underneath the table might be tense.
The Head:
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A major visible center of relaxation is the face.
- Mouth: one sign of a relaxed mouth is a broad or gentle smile. There are no signs of grimacing. Another sign of a relaxed mouth is a still mouth. Your mouth opens moderately when speaking, and your voice is relaxed without sudden changes in speed or pitch.
- Eyes: Your eyes and mouth smile together. You make relaxed eye contact without staring, very little blinking. Your eyes are also generally dry, with stable eyebrows, no frowning, moving perhaps with speech.
- Other Areas: The other muscles in your face are relaxed too. A major indicator is the forehead, with lines appearing in gentle expression. The sides of your face are not drawn back, and when your head moves, it is smooth and in time with relaxed expression and talk.
There are situations where you need to fake relaxation, too, and this is indeed possible.
Fake Relaxed Behavior
Slowing down your breathing can cause real relaxation, or give the appearance thereof. Placing your legs firmly on the floor and hanging your hands loosely at your side has a similar effect.
The following examples are instances where this might be necessary.
Short Examples
Public speaking is uncomfortable for many people. Maintaining eye contact with your audience and breathing deeply and steadily can give you the illusion of being more relaxed than you really are.
Another instance that causes real nerves is the first date. When you are sitting at the table, all the tension of the situation can be concentrated in your legs. You can rest your arms comfortable on the table, leaning forward with your torso in a relaxed manner, giving the illusion of relaxation.
Conclusion
There are ways that unintentionally come across as fake, too. Trying too hard, saying their name over and over again, mirroring body language, excessive talking with your hands or putting on a show are signs that you are being fake.
But, merely acting in a relaxed manner is a sure fire way of making you actually feel more relaxed. This is much like striking a power pose can give you the appearance of confidence, and with enough practice, it could result in real confidence.
So, much like you can fake your way to confidence, you can fake your way to relaxation.
In conversation, the rules are really very simple:
- Firstly, slow down your breathing
- Then, if you are in a loud environment, make use of your strong voice
- Thirdly, avoid fidgeting. Fiddling with your fingers or other things is a sign that you are nervous and not relaxed
- Try to consciously release tension in your muscles; breathing deep and slow helps a lot with this
- Finally, maintain natural eye contact without staring
There are many instances where your need to appear relaxed, and so making use of the techniques contained in this article will really serve you. And the more you practice, the easier it will be for you to access relaxation at will.
So maybe relaxation isn’t as elusive as we once thought!
References
Chris, Relaxed Body Language, (March 5, 2013)
Aja Frost, 5 Ways you’re unintentionally coming across as Fake
David Morin, Relaxed and Confident in Any Conversation
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