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DEFENSIVE BODY LANGUAGE

The most basic of human instincts is the fight or flight response. When you are under attack, or even when you just feel threatened, you have the choice between these two actions.

Image by Nino Carè from Pixabay

While you are making the decision, though, your body tends to take on defensive postures. This is a primitive response, ingrained into our DNA. There are subsequent choices that you have too, from taking the preemptive approach, giving in by keeping your head down, possible crouching, and avoiding eye contact. This is submissive body language and will be discussed in detail in a subsequent article.

Alternatively you have the choice to attack first. You may display aggressive body language, standing erect, thrusting forward and using attack-like movements.

Let us now, however, clarify what defensiveness is!

Intro to Defensiveness

You can either defend yourself against physical or verbal attacks. The term was first used by Freud in 1894, where he described it as the defense or behavior against unbearable ideas. Many of his ideas are outdated today, but the research he conducted contributed largely to the way we think about defensiveness today.

Defense mechanisms, also pioneered by Freud and his daughter, are said to be unconscious psychological mechanisms that serve to reduce the anxiety that arises from potentially harmful or unacceptable stimuli.

So, while we may make the conscious choice to defend ourselves, the mechanisms incorporated in this defense are largely unconscious.

What then, is true defensive behavior?

 True Defensive Behavior

A said, you defend yourself against verbal or psychological attacks as well as physical attacks. Against verbal attacks, you can display, among others, the following behaviors:

• Folding the arms: There are many variations to this defensive body language, depending on the severity of the feeling. Either the arms can be pulled tightly across the chest, fists clenched, or the arms can be folded loosely.
• Crossing the legs: This is subtler than folding your arms, and is more an attempt at hiding insecurity.

Image by Robin Higgins from Pixabay

Against physical attacks, you display, among others, the following true defensive behaviors:

• Covering vulnerable points: Automatically, you tend to cover vital organs or your genital area, as these are most likely to be damaged during an attack.
• A fending off stance: You may hold your arms out straight in front of you, or you may curve them to deflect the attack.
• Becoming rigid: Tensing up is another primitive response, where the muscles harden as a method of withstanding the attack. Freezing is also possible, as a means to avoid movements that might be interpreted as preparation for the attack.
• Using Barriers: You may place objects between yourself and your attacker, or you may hold these objects in front of yourself to create a barrier.
• You can also become small: You may keep your arms and legs tucked in in order to make yourself appear smaller, in essence reducing the size of the target.
• Escape: You may look around wildly as a sign to your attacker that you are seeking an escape.

Being defensive against physical attack is therefore beneficial. It keeps you safe, and it keeps you around to fight another day. When you are overly defensive against verbal and psychological attacks, though, this may lead to strained and unhealthy relationships.

Can people fake defensive behavior, though?

 Fake Defensive Behavior

The short answer is yes!

All relationships experience hiccups occasionally, and when these arise, then serious conversations need to be had. People with poor communication skills, or people who just aren’t interested in addressing the elephant in the room, tend to fake defensive behavior so that they do not need to deal with the real problem.

They, in effect, create perceived problems, making it seem like it is the other person’s fault, in order for them to be able to take the moral high ground.

This happens in physical attacks too. A person might display defensive behavior, but asked to be held back for fear that they might hurt the person attacking them. In truth, though, they are just scared of the fight and want to create an acceptable escape that won’t leave them looking like a coward.

The following are short examples of true and fake defensive behavior!

 Short Examples

You walk out of a nightclub and you are confronted with two menacing brutes who are obviously drunk and looking for a fight. You hold your hands up in front of you, saying that you don’t want to fight. They persist however, and attack. You lower your chin to protect your neck, bring your knees inward to protect you genitals, and you deflect. When it is clear that they will not leave without a fight, you stand erect, and you raise your arms, clenching your fists.

All of these are true defensive behaviors, and they are in response to real threats.

Alternatively, you come home late and your partner is sitting at the kitchen counter. They want to know where you have been. You really hate this question, and instead of answering, you fold your arms tightly, clench your fists, and ask your partner if they really want to fight.

This behavior is fake, and just a means of avoiding the original question. You may have something to hide, and you do not want to risk exposure.

 Conclusion

Defensiveness is clearly not always a bad thing. It is a means of protecting yourself. Self-preservation is, of course, the most base of human instincts, and it is governed mostly by the subconscious.

Yes, you make the conscious decision to defend yourself, but as said before, the mechanisms that you use to defend yourself spring from the unconscious or subconscious part of your brain.

You can also make a conscious choice of which mechanism you use, especially in physical attacks, but the ambit of mechanisms you have to choose from are already ingrained in the back of your mind.

Choosing fight or flight is the ultimate defense. And when faced with this choice, you would do well to be aware of your abilities, in order for you to make the best possible choice for yourself.

References

Donna Soules, Defensiveness: Addressing Barriers of Communication

The Editor, Defensive Body Language, (May 27, 2015)

Linda Carrol, 12 Truths about Defensive Behavior, (June 30, 2016)

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