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SUBMISSIVE BODY LANGUAGE

There is often a disconnect between what we say, and what our body is saying. The subtle cues of body language betray our words.

For example, regardless of how confident our speech, regardless of how direct we sound, if our body language is submissive, then the essence of our message may be lost. It is important, therefore, that we understand submission and its related body language, so that we can maintain a level of congruency in what we say with our mouths, and the non-verbal cues our body is giving.

 Intro to Submission

Image by Linus Schütz from Pixabay

When we yield or submit to superior beings, whether they be people or situations, we are being submissive. Accepting the will or authority of another person also signifies submission.

People submit all the time. In marriage, it has long been accepted that the woman should submit to her husband. In the business world, junior employees submit to senior management. On the school playground, the awkward nerd submits to the bully.

We show submission in other situations too. For example, when we are threatened, such as in a hijacking or mugging, we submit, to avoid injury or harm coming to us.

 True Submissive Behavior

Submission is usually a signal of fear. Or rather, it is a response to fear. Animals, especially, display aggression or submission, depending on which body language would avoid fighting that could terminally harm either one.

Bod positions are indicators of submission, fearful stances generally being closed. They include:

• Making the body small: You can reduce the size of the body by hunching forward. This limits the potential of being struck, and it protects vital body parts. Arms may be held in, or you can crouch, bending your knees slightly. This borders on the regressive fetal position.
• Motionless: Staying still, often seen as freezing, is another form of submission. This reduces the chance of you sending signals that could be interpreted as aggressive.
• Head Down: Turning your chin and facing your head down protects your neck from attack.
• Eyes: Widened eyes make you look like a baby, signaling vulnerability.
• Mouth: Submissive folk tend to smile more at dominant people, this smile is limited to the mouth though, never getting to the eyes.

Image by Myriam Zilles from Pixabay

There are a variety of submissive gestures. Hands out and palms up is an indication that you have no weapons, and is also a pleading gesture. Hair tugging, jerky movements and face touching indicate tension and submission. Your face may go white too, and you may start to sweat.

There are small gestures too that indicate submission. These may be slow, so as not to alarm the other person. Tension may make your movements jerky, though.

Exhibiting submission is an essential tool for people who do not like confrontation or fights. It is important, therefore, to be able to fake it.

 Fake Submissive Behavior

We can fake submission for a number of reasons. When, for example, we know that it is in the best interest for our relationship that the other person appears dominant. We can also pretend to be submissive when this will result in us getting what we want.

The following examples clarify this.

 Short Examples

Alex has just lost his job. He is deflated, and he feels that he is less than a man. There is a silent tension in the house, and his wife doesn’t know what to do to make him feel better.

Jen, his wife, sees that his manhood and masculinity are severely challenged. Instead of talking about her promotion, then, she takes on and augments the position of the dutiful submissive wife. She brings him his coffee, brings him his slippers, and basically attends submissively to all his needs.

This reminds him of his position in their marriage.

Another example:

Luis works for a prominent advertising agency. He has been working on a campaign for weeks, and finally he is ready to present. His boss, seeing that this is really good work, decides that he will take credit for it, by presenting it himself.

Desperate for recognition of his work, Luis approaches the head of the agency. He knows that he is a hard man, an egotistical man. So he makes himself smaller than he is, putting the good work that he did to the back of his head, in order to get an audience with him.

Making the head of the agency feel like the dominant, he manages to get his point across, and he gets his due credit.

Yet another example:

You are walking down the street and a man stops you, and asks for the time. Instinct tells you that you are going to be mugged. A moment later, a knife is drawn, and your instinct takes over. You know that you can take this man, and so you prepare for a fight. You are sure of yourself.

But then two more muggers appear behind you. Suddenly you are dealing with a gang. Immediately you raise your hands in surrender, palms outward. You crouch low, so as to reduce yourself in height. You know that the only way to get out of this alive is to make yourself appear as unthreatening as possible. And you make it out of the situation alive.

 Conclusion

Submissive and dominant relationships transcend the boardroom, too. We know of the sexual ying and yang as presented to us in Fifty Shades of Grey. This relationship was extremely exaggerated, though. Christian was high handed, and his treatment of Ana really bordered on abusive.

It is the same though in real-world struggles between people with heighted dominant and heightened submissive body language. Sometimes it is not what it appears to be, not on the surface, and certainly not underneath it.

You need to know when people with dominant behavior have crossed over into the realm of abuse, and if and when this happens, you really need to get out.

Submission can serve you. But it can also be a hindrance when you find yourself being used as the proverbial door mat!

 References

Chelsea Latimer, Submissive Body Language: What Your Body Is Saying, (Mar 25, 2014)

Jen Doll, an Actual Submissive On What ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Got Wrong, (Sep 4, 2012)

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